Good stewards.

The ponderings of my heart these days are causing me to have some internal conflict. I have had to ask myself some pretty harsh questions and I'm not sure I have answers as of yet but what you are reading is my process of dealing with these emotions and realities as they happen. If you agree great. If you don't awesome. I am just telling you what I think and am letting you in on some internal dialogue...

...I have been reflecting on what it means to be a good steward of what the Lord has given us. What does this really mean and is it really the desire of our hearts to do this? I was walking today with my roomate Diana and we were praying. I prayed that I wanted to be a good steward of everything the Lord has given me. My body , my finances, my friends, my job as a missionary, my time, everything. It dawned on me today that eventhough this is the desire of my heart on some level, the reality of it is not there. If it were, it would merit a response in my lifestyle wouldn't it? Can we get past the lip service of our mouths and get down to some reality of walking this out! I am so tired of making "promises" and asking for things that sound good to the ear but truly are offensive to the heart when walked out. If I really wanted to be a good steward of my body wouldn't I eat better all the time and not just when I feel guilty? Wouldn't I excercise regularly? If I really wanted to be a good steward of my finances, wouldn't I be more selective on what I buy? Wouldn't I buy out of necessity and not out of want? Wouldn't I give to those less fortunate than myself and for go those new shoes or going out to eat? If I really wanted to be a better stewared of my friends, wouldn't I call them more often and ask how they are doing? If I really wanted to be a good steward of my job, wouldn't I do whatever it takes to see God and walk out the realities of His kingdom? If I truly desired to be a good steward of my time, wouldn't I make it a point not to waste time on ridiculously pointless activities?

God please bring a true revelation of Your beauty. If I get a glimpse of it, for real,I wont search for entertainment elsewhere. Bring revelation of Your worthiness to my heart so that I will not feel the need to medicate myself on othere "loves" of my heart. I ask for the spirit of wisdom and revelation to come. Bring me a soberness of heart so that I can see God rightly. I want to be a good steward. God help me to walk out this desire in my life and not ignore this yearning for excellence in the deepest part of my soul. As the song that is being sung right now says, "How can I be here with You and not be moved by You? You tell me, how can it be any better than this? You're all I want. You're all I need. You're everything, everything" You are everything. Let it become such a reality that I make radical shifts in my life because of my pursuit of You. I want to do whatever it takes to live a life worthy of You.