Too much for my heart to express...

Ok. I am now at the midpoint of my internship at the International House of Prayer in Atlanta. It has truly been the suckiest best experience I have ever had in my life. Sucky because having your heart revealed before you with such intensity by the One who created it, only to realize just how barren you really are hurts a lot. The best part is that He is revealing it so that He can clean it. I never anticipated that I would get here and realize that I didn't know God like I thought I did or how I wanted it to appear to people that I did. Anyway, I have been in major spiritual surgery the last two weeks and I feel like it has only begun. I am realizing my wretchedness but also that God is so in love with me. I think on some level we all know this but He has been intensifying this to me over the last two weeks. I never knew it would be so hard to sit here under the gaze of the one whose eyes are like fire but it is. If I didn't emphasize that enough let me tell you again. It is soooooooo hard. When all this stuff is coming to the surface that you didn't even know you had it makes you want to be anywhere but in the gaze of those eyes.

Anyway, I started reading a book tonight about the wilderness/barrenness. It is soooooo reading my mail if you know what I mean. I feel like she has written everything that I didn't know how to put into words. If you are interested, the book is called Deep Unto Deep by Dana Candler. It is so rocking my face off in a serious way.

Here is a poem in the 4th chapter that I want to share...

"Joined to an Ocean"

I join myself to an Ocean.
I give myself to an All Consuming Fire.
Who can know what I have said yes to?
Or where this yes will take me?
Worlds of vastness abide within You.
Uncharted water. Deep unknown.
Yes. I say, "Yes." To all that You are.
It isn't the kind of choice in which I know all that I say yes to,
Only in part do I know and only that dimly.
How could I possibly know all that is in Your heart?
How could I fathom what has burned within You from everlasting?
I could never comprehend where that fire has been or where it is going.
I join myself to an Everlasting Fire of Desire,
And I make my bed within Eternal Deep.
When I look into the fiery gaze of the Everlasting Bridegroom,
How could I know the history and the story behind that fire?
For it has burned since before time began.
Generation after generation, it has cultivated its fiery story,
And who could know its tale?
I say, "Yes." to all that You are. To all that is in your heart.
Unknown mystery, Unknown Ocean.
Unutterable Wisdom and Transcendent heights of Glory.
I throw myself into the unknown vastness of Thy Person.
How great is the deep of all that I have not fathomed about You.
Where this will take me I have no knowing.
Yet I know that love will ever be the banner over me.
For Your works are just and true and all Your ways are Love.
This is what I do know of You
And what will be my testimony until the end.
I join myself to an Ocean. I give myself to a Divine world unknown.
And I will follow the Lamb.
I will follow that Man wherever He goes.