Intimacy with God

I am in a covenant group right now entitled Intimacy with God. It has really shaken up my view of what that means...

Intimacy is one of those things that I tend to avoid at all stakes. I had not realized this until being a part of this class, but the truth kind of sneaks up on you and bites you in the rear sometimes. I am having the hardest time understanding where God is wanting to take me on this new journey. I have never had a problem being passionate about things, that is just part of who I am... however, I am coming to the realization that I am being called beyond passion to a place of allowing myself to be vulnerable to the things in God's heart. As awesome as that sounds, there is a part of me that coils up in fear because that means that I have to be in a place that is out of my control... and if there is one thing that makes me the most unconfortable, it is being in a situation that is out of my control.

Yet... I am to a point in my walk with God that I need something more. I have been satisfied up to this point with the relationship I have had with God. To be completely honest, I did my thing, He did his and occasionally they would be the same... Sounds pretty bad I know but I don't want to be in a place of sugar coating the truth about it anymore... I am facing the hard facts about who I am and especially who I am in Him. The hard part is that my relationship with him has been more show that fact, but yet I have this longing inside that cries out for Him. Now does that mean I understand anymore now than I did last week? Absolutely not... but it does mean that I am in a desperate search for God's heart. Not his hand, his name, his reputation, his strength, his power, or anything that he can provide for me. I want to know his heart!

Whatever that looks like...

I want to know what it means to truly thirst for God... to not be able to quench my desire and longing for HIM... not just what I see him to be...