We are pursued with fiery passion...

You like that title don't you. I knew you would. It might take me a little while to get to my point but stick with me! This is also a little weighty so prepare yourself!!!!

I have been searching for something new. Even now I have this ache that there is something more than the day to day work church stuff. I am not satisfied with what the world and the church at large has to offer me. I have wasted sooo much time over the last ten years filling the places of desire with things that don't last. From a rebellious teenage life style to a college ministry drivin life that was so focused on doing things for the Lord and really missing him (not always, there were some really wonderful precious moments with the Lord but I am referring to the overall perspective of that time). Now I have become an over committed workaholic who can't say no. I need to clarify something... My love for the Lord hasn't changed but I have allowed things to get in the way of the precious time I spent with the Lord. I have slowly pushed that sacred time to the side and my job has become forefront. However, I am coming into the revelation (coming to know something I haven't know before) that I have a God who is fiery in his passion for me. He pursues me with such intense passion. Jesus is a lover searching for a lover in me and in you. I know this is deep but so is our God. My heart aches so to grasp this knowledge of the Lord. We are His bride whom he is jealously in pursuit of. May I truly come to a deeper and deeper revelation of this God. Not just God as father and savior and redeemer but as a lover.

I know I have been told over and over again that God loves me but I have come to find the weakness in me is that to allow yourself to be loved so intimately is to make yourself vulnerable. I have been holding so tightly to my independance and the "strong woman" metality, and the idea that if I just push away and build a wall between me and everyone else including God no one can hurt me. The problem has been that I haven't even realized what I have been doing. The reality is that I am truely allowing hurt when I do this because I am created to desire and I am created with a longing for intimacy. Who am I to rebuke and push away the very gifts that God has placed within me. God I want more of you. Awaken your love in me. I understand that just as you have spoken in Hosea 2:14-21:

14 “ Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her.
15 I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She shall sing there,
As in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.
16 “ And it shall be, in that day,”
Says the LORD,

“ That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’[c]
And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’[d]
17 For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals,
And they shall be remembered by their name no more.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
With the beasts of the field,
With the birds of the air,
And with the creeping things of the ground.
Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth,
To make them lie down safely.
19 “ I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy;
20 I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the LORD.
21 “ It shall come to pass in that day
That I will answer,” says the LORD;

You are calling me to the wilderness so you can woo me. I will call You my Husband. Thank you that you are bethrothing me to you forever. You are betrothing me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy. You are betrothing me in faithfulness and God you say that I will know you. My heart aches to know You God.

Here are the lyrics to a song that has been burning in my heart.
Always on His Mind- Misty Edwards

Lord, I will seek You
On my bed, think upon You
In the day, I'll dream of You
You're always on my mind

With my whole heart I'll love You
With my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for You
You're always on my mind

Though I'm poor and needy,
The Lord thinks upon me
Though His name is Holy,
I'm always on His mind

Though I'm weak and lowly
The Lord thinks about me
Though He's high and lofty
I'm always on His mind- I'm always on His mind

I'm in love with God
God's in love with me

How far will you let me go?
How abandoned will you let me be?

I'm in love with God
God's in love with me.

I pray that everyone who reads this will be captivated by the fiery passion of the Lord and that nothing will quench the desire in your heart except the love and knowledge of God.