Filling the Down Time...

So in the midst of my insane schedule I am realizing that I have pockets of downtime that are in need of being filled.  What I would normally fill with friends, tv, food, etc, etc I no longer want to fill with those things.  I am in holy pursuit of something greater; something eternal.  I am in a relationship with a most beautiful Beloved and I am longing to spend more and more time with Him everyday.  I want Him to consume my every thought and breath.  I long for Him to become my daydream.  He has given me the deposit of His Spirit within me as a divine gift.  Oh what a mystery that God, the eternal Lover, would choose to dwell within man if only we would ask.  The God who needs nothing desires to have communion with man; with ME!  Oh how I love Him!  I found myself for the first time yesterday, when confronted with the pain of my own desires, turning to Him.  Asking and pleading with Him to consume me.  Declaring that all I want is Him.  Through tears, turning to the One who wants me more than I could ever want Him.  In that place of barrenness of soul I was finding solace in the arms of Jesus.  Not that the pain went away or it instantaneously stopped my tears but in the core of my being, ever so faintly, I felt Him draw near.  I am free of heart and without shame for the first time in my life and above all I am falling in love with my Deliverer.  I remember having moments of love for Him before but now it is different.  I'm deliberately choosing to fall head over heels in love with Him... a choice I've never made before now.  I have His name on my tongue, I sing songs to Him and mean them, I pray and actually know I'm not just talking to myself but to the One who longs to see my face and hear my voice.  My heart is changing moment by moment.  It is a slow, painful process of dying daily.  Oh and I do feel the pain of it but it is accompanied by the unsurpassing greatness of knowing Him.  I have had a Misty Edwards devo in my head on and off since yesterday.  One of the choruses is, "there's a war on the inside. It's the arena where I demonstrate my love for You."  As I die to me and choose Him again and again I get to choose love.  I still don't choose Him everytime but I am choosing Him more and more and more.  There really is a battle for my soul.  That is real and I am so aware of it, however, no one and nothing can snatch me from His hand.  Love has laid hold of me and I can't let go.