Oh the deep heart wrenching that occurs when you are bombarded with Truth. I am there. I had a conversation with one of my best guy friends (he is my brother...well as close to one as anyone could be considering I am an only child) in the whole world. He has changed soooo much over the last 3 years and has become the most Godly man I have ever known.
Anyway, back to the point... We were talking last night about how things are going with each of us and I am truely convicted. He has come to a place in his life where he truely understands the heart of the Lord.
He made a comment about one of his seminary class that just struck me. He said that his ethics professor had this diagram on the board that said "Said belief + physical actions= actual belief"
Now... I know you are reading this going yes I believe this but here is the twist. The professor started making examples for the class... first with the ladies... "Ladies, you say you believe that your body is the temple of the Lord. You proclaim that. If this is true then why do so many of you throw up what you eat or not eat at all? You are saying to God that what he created you to be is not good enough." Then he proceeded with his second example, "Guys you say that you God is able to supply you with an awesome companion or you say God has already supplied you with this companion. Yet, you are so wrapped up in pornography. Saying to God, I don't really believe that you can supply what I need. For those who are married, you are saying God what you supplied isn't good enough."
Basically it comes down to this... Is He big enough or not? Can He supply or not? Is He everything or not?
Making these choices exalts me to a place of idolitry. I am saying that I am more exalted that God because what I want/do is better that what He does or can do? Talk about a punch to the stomach!
I can do nothing but repent! I am definitely in a "Wo, is me!" moment! I am not worthy of God... He is constantly looking through my filth and saying, I love you! My heart is humbled today. I do not deserve this Love, Grace, Mercy.
This is my hearts cry today more than ever before:
God search my heart and test my mind
Mold my heart and shape my mind
to sing about your love divine Lord
Let all the things I do and all the things I say be evidence.
I'm open wide. I cannot hide all the things within my heart
Lord when I seek you, I need you to receive me as I am
God search my heart and test my mind
I'm on my knees to seek your face
renew a brand new dwelling place Lord in my heart
Let all the things I do and all the things I say be evidence
I'm open wide. I cannot hide all the things within my heart
Lord when I seek you, I need you to receive me as I am
God search my heart and test my mind
Let the time I spend with you
Bear fruit of who I am in you Lord.
I'm open wide. I cannot hide all the things within my heart
Lord when I seek you, I need you to receive me as I am
I Love you Jesus. I Love you my Lord
I Love you with my whole heart!
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3 comments:
Dang girl,
that is so true...that song takes me back to the old days...when jbp used to sing that as part of their reprotoire...that song is so honest
wow--what a great reminder of meaning what we say. thanks, mel!
i listened to that song about a week ago---i was in the mood and praying before my kids church on sunday. i laid on the floor and cried because i feel so inadequate. the service was truly Gods and went really well.
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